Six Years Bali, Three Months Back in The Netherlands. This Is How It’s Really Going…
What Happens When You Return Home But You’re Not the Same Person Anymore
After six years of living in Bali, I moved back to the Netherlands at the beginning of December.
I wrote about my ‘coming out’ that I’m back in town in this article, two months ago:
After Six Years, I Left Bali, Not Because I Changed My Mind, But Because I Outgrew the Chapter
Now that I’ve been back for almost three months, I thought it might be time for a little update.
In this article I will answer the question I get all the time recently:
How is it to be back?
Just kidding. Almost no one is asking me this question. 😅
And that basically sums up what it’s like.
Everyone is just minding their own business because they are so ‘busy’.
And the worst part is: they think it’s cool.
So yeah, basically nothing really changed here in the last six years. 😌
Besides the question ‘How is it to be back’, I will also answer the question: ‘What happens when you return home and you’re no longer the same person?’
That Feeling When You Return From a World Trip
I don’t know about you but,
Have you travelled the world?
Quite often?
For a longer period of time?
Then you know exactly what I mean.
Because, I did:
Before I moved to Bali I made two trips to Asia already; eight months in total.
And what happens if you return to your home country after a life-changing trip?
Absolutely nothing…
It’s a strange phenomenon that people ask more questions about a regular trip to France for three weeks than they will ever ask about your life-changing world trip for months.
This is not only me, I know many travellers have to deal with this.
I don’t know what it is.
Maybe a world trip is too big for people to understand, to even come up with one proper question.
Because most of the time the only question you get is: oh nice, was it fun?
That’s exactly the same vibe when you return to your home country after six years of living abroad.
The Balance In Friendships is Gone
Don’t get me wrong.
I don’t expect people to attend a PowerPoint evening to hear all my stories.
But what I do expect is a bare minimum of empathy, curiosity and the eagerness to learn about what others have experienced.
When I lived abroad I asked a lot about the lives of others back home.
But at the same time, you can’t really talk about what you’ve been going through.
Because most of them don’t know or understand.
Especially if you’ve never stayed or lived outside Europe, it’s hard to explain what it’s like to live in a culture that is 100% different from the culture you grew up in.
So it means you ask loads of questions about their life back home…
And you’re not able to speak about your life…
At least, not on a level that most people will understand.
And that’s the whole point of connection. An equal amount of sharing, give and take.
When that balance disappears, the connection fades.
That’s how friendships slowly drift apart.
Not only after one year abroad, but after two, three, four years and beyond. It’s a continuous process.
And now, suddenly you’re back among people with whom the connection has faded, and generally some just want to pick up where you left off six years ago.
But that version of you no longer exists, you can’t ignore a life-changing period of six years.
Which means the friendships that slowly dissolved over time will remain dissolved.
The real, authentic friendships are the ones that stayed.
And even though this might sound harsh or sad to many people (because Dutch culture revolves heavily around social pressure like friendships) I see it as a richness.
That you get to learn, relatively early in life, who your real friends are. So that your time, space and energy go to the people who truly fit this new phase of your life.
The Social Pressure is Huge
Most expats living abroad talk about this: the social pressure in the Netherlands is huge. If you don’t follow the path of ‘how it’s supposed to be’, you’re an outsider.
You see that only the traditional milestones get celebrated. Like marriage, children, a new home.
You see a lot of singles spending thousands of euros on bachelorettes, gender reveal parties, baby showers, weddings and housewarming parties for others, while having nothing themselves…
But when you start a business, travel the world, or live abroad for years (which are also incredible milestones)
Then… nothing happens.
Recently I saw a group of friends online who had given their single friend a weekend trip, paid for by them, to thank her for all the times she showed up at their parties.
While she herself (often unwillingly) doesn’t get to throw parties for new partners, babies or houses.
Of course it’s not a competition about who achieves what or who has the most parties.
But that’s exactly the point.
Only specific life events are celebrated.
Milestones that matter to others often aren’t.
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The Dutch Bingo Cart
In the Netherlands there’s a very strong idea that you have to walk a certain path to be considered ‘successful’.
Anything that doesn’t fit that path, you literally fall outside of it.
You also see it reflected in fashion and lifestyle in general.
There are so many things that are ‘not done’, until the trend changes and suddenly, a year later, it is ‘hot and happening’ again.
Many people here don’t really think for themselves, they just follow the path of how it’s supposed to be.
Life here feels like a bingo card where everyone is ticking off the same boxes.
A house, a baby, a long-haul holiday (preferably as soon as possible after giving birth, just to prove that having a baby has done NOTHING to their sense of freedom), and of course a padel membership.
That unspoken bingo card of ‘how life should be’ always leaves me with one strong thought: just think for yourself.
Because while for some this may genuinely be the ideal life (and I respect that), I can’t imagine it is for everyone.
It has to do with identity. Doing what others do in order to belong. And that feeling is very strong here.
Living an authentic life is almost nowhere to be found.
And that has always frustrated me in the Netherlands, and after six years, that frustration is still there.
Stronger even. The gap has only widened…
Feeling Like a Foreigner in Your Own Culture
Now that I’m back, I clearly see the effect of living six years in a completely different country.
Even though I’m Dutch, I’ve had to massively readjust to certain cultural aspects.
For example, I’ve noticed that my social radar feels broken now and then.
Because, I genuinely don’t know how to order a coffee in a café anymore 😌
In Indonesia I would order a coffee by saying: hot latte with oat.
If I even had to say anything, because most of the time I went to the same places and they already knew my order 👸🏼
Then you come back to the Netherlands and suddenly you start doubting what the social format is for ordering in a café 😏
Do I just say: “hot latte with oat” in Dutch? Warme latte met haver?
Or do you say: latte met havermelk? Oatmilk…
But then how do you specify whether it’s hot or not?
Or do they not really do iced coffee here like they do in Asia? 🧐
Or do you say: havercappu? Like Gen Z calls it these days?
If you even have to place an order at all.
Because sometimes you can just order via a QR code.
Walking into a café has become a surprise every time, you never quite know what the concept is or what I’m supposed to do or say 😅
The other day I even had stress at the self-checkout in a Albert Heijn supermarket.
I had picked up some bread rolls and put them in a plastic bag, which of course doesn’t have a barcode.
And I had absolutely no idea how to scan them at the self-checkout 🤣
Turns out there’s just a touchscreen where you can select those items.
How am I supposed to know?
I hadn’t seen a self-checkout in six years. 😅
These are just two funny examples, but it goes much deeper than that, across different social settings.
I suddenly have a lot of respect for elderly people and foreign expats in the Netherlands. I completely understand the confusion that typical Dutch life can bring.
The Positive Side of Being Back in The Netherlands
Besides the fact that certain typical cultural ideas of ‘how you should live’ don’t align with my core values at all, and aside from the funny situations, there are also some positive sides to being back.
One of the positive things is that…
I’ve realised I have to leave again soon 😏
No, just kidding. That was actually the plan already 😌
To be serious for a moment, there are definitely positive aspects to being back.
Despite the strange dynamics and the social pressure that hangs in the air here, I do find a sense of calm.
Life is very easy in the country you’re originally from.
I have to admit, I probably needed that calm as well.
I lived on the other side of the world for six years. I was in my independent woman era and, in some ways, also in survival mode.
Even though life in Bali was relaxed and enriching at the same time.
Here, I genuinely slow down, simply because life is easier in many practical ways.
And that creates space.
Space to look at my life (and my business) differently. With more expansion. Thinking bigger than before.
Moving to the other side of the world, into a completely different culture, makes you rich as a person. But returning to the culture you originally came from amplifies that richness tenfold.
You have to be strong to move through a life you once left behind, as a completely new version of yourself.
I’ve noticed that my intuition has become much stronger.
And my mission within my business even clearer.
What It Brought Me So Far
Coming back made the contrast sharper.
You only really see how much you’ve grown when you return to a place that stayed the same.
And that’s the uncomfortable part no one talks about.
Not everyone will recognise the version of you that expanded.
Some will subtly invite you to adjust and to blend back in.
But once you’ve built a life on the other side of the world…
once you’ve rebuilt yourself from scratch more than once…
once you’ve experienced who you are without the social script…
You can’t unknow that.
And you shouldn’t.
Because this is what growth actually looks like.
Not fitting in anymore.
Not ticking the bingo boxes.
Not performing the version that feels socially convenient.
But standing in a familiar place, as an unfamiliar version of yourself, and choosing not to shrink.
That’s expansion.
And that changes how you live.
How you choose.
How you build your business.
I didn’t come back to fit in.
It seems I came back to get radically clear about how I want to live my life and lead my business, and equally clear about how I don’t.
And clarity changes everything.
This conversation is far from over.
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About the Author:
Hey there! I’m Myrthe (1988), the heart behind Visionary Frequency. Originally from the Netherlands, I walked away from corporate life in 2017 when I realised I was never meant to thrive inside someone else’s structure. I don’t fit into systems, I rather build my own. I moved to Bali in 2020, returned in 2026, and I’m already preparing for my next chapter somewhere in Europe.
Today, I help high-performing founders outgrow outdated identities, raise their standards, and rebuild their business architecture so they can lead at the level they actually belong to. I integrate astrology as one of the strategic tools in my work. Because when you understand your design, you stop shrinking to fit the room, and start building rooms that fit you.
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